All About That Baby: Sleep pt 1

Babies are weird.

One day he was waking up at 3am to nurse and I would move him from the crib to my bed and we would nap until 5 or 6. Now he is in his own bed usually by 9:30 and he sleeps until 5 or 6. It literally happened overnight. One day it was one way and the next day it had changed. It’s weird. Its nice because it means I usually sleep a bit more, but it is still very odd. I will say now that I have my bed back I am very unwilling to give it back. I could not be one of those parents that lets their older child crawl into bed with them every night. I was afraid I would be, but I can definitely say I wont.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely enjoyed the benefits of nursing and bed sharing for the first couple of months. I brought him home from the hospital intending to do everything the doctor said. He would only sleep in his bed I thought. He would only sleep on his back I said. Ha. Whatever. I knew going into it that was ridiculous but I tried it anyway and guess what…He refused to sleep on his back most of the time and he woke up every two hours to nurse which meant I slept maybe an hour at a time. Since I was by myself a lot of the time in the early weeks except for when Faith was home from work which is a bit sporadic I was having to be the one doing everything for him at night. From 6pm to 6am most of the time I was it. I also couldn’t sleep during the day. I’ve never been able to take day time naps well and I eve laid down a few times when he napped and tried.

All of those factors led me to night nursing. I would put him in bed with me on his side and we would nurse like that. Eventually we both started falling asleep that way and within two weeks that’s just how we both slept at night. After that I just planned on it. We did our night time thing and by 9pm we were tucked into bed together. The first week or so I would wake up in a panic because I thought I might have smothered him or he might have rolled away. Turns out we both sleep like rocks once we get to sleep. Through the next two and a half months at night we both managed to share a bed and it was actually probably one of my better early decisions.

taking a daytime nap in his crib

Fast forward to two weeks ago when I started putting him in his crib at night. At first I just wanted to be sure he could sleep without me but the better he did the better I realized he could do. He doesn’t sleep on his back. He sleeps on his belly. I never let him sleep on his belly those first few weeks, but when he started rolling over I decided he probably wouldn’t smother himself. I think that is the greatest harm we are doing to young mothers right now, in scaring them silly with SIDS. I say this because researchers and medical professionals call it Sudden Infant Death Syndrome because they have no idea what actually causes it… Its sudden..that’s all they know for sure. But on that limited knowledge they preach that we shouldn’t bed share, cause SIDS or we might smother them. And we shouldn’t put them on their bellies to sleep until they are way past the stage where they actually sleep better on their tummies. Call me crazy but until I am handed some better and harder facts I’ll do what works.

And it does work. Carl went from sleeping just a few hours in his crib, from 9pm-ish to 1am or 2am at first to all the way to 5am or 6am in a matter of two weeks. Its incredible but very true. My advice: Do what actually works for your baby and ignore inevitable advice you will receive from the hordes of people who just cant wait to give it to you.

And we labored: Part 4

When last I left off we were in the hospital, I couldn’t have any pain meds and the doctor had finally arrived.

Since Dr. Hurd was kind enough to show up there was now a doctor to help catch the baby they finally let me push. Apparently my pushing wasn’t good enough because the short, squat, square faced Dr. Hurd told me I wasn’t pushing hard enough. Apparently I could do better. As awful as not pushing is, pushing is kind of scary in and of itself. In quick succession you worry about tearing, you worry about how undignified this whole experience is, you worry about what seems to be squirting out of you (blood, guts and amniotic fluid), you worry about pooping (yes, pooping) cause that is awful and you worry about what on earth to do with the baby once you finally push it out.

Imagine being in intense pain and thinking “I can’t be a mom”, “What am I going to do with a baby?”, “Steven and I are way too fucked up to be parents”.  It all goes through your head. I worried about all of that seemingly at once and then I couldn’t worry about anything because I needed to push again and this time I was bound and determined to only have to push as few times as possible because it hurts…pretty bad. That part is like a 9 on a universal pain scale. At one point, probably half an hour into pushing I asked the doctor how many more pushes (cause that’s helpful) and he said, maybe five. He made that number up. I knew he was making it up when he said it and I just didn’t care. I appreciated the fact that he humored me. I just kept thinking I can do that. I can get this kid out if I just push through the pain, quite literally. When you push it is the same muscles you use when you have to do Number 2. So that kind of sucks. Somewhere in this time period they attached a vacuum to the babies head because his heartbeat started to drop. I didn’t find out about the heartbeat until later but they did tell me about the vacuum.

Then something truly awful happened…The vacuum popped off of the babies head… the vacuum suction attached to my hairy babies head came off…and I tore. Ladies, you dont need me to explain the tearing if you have ever experienced it. If you haven’t I hope it stays that way. They quickly reattached the vacuum and I pushed a little more and then I felt the head come out, then the shoulders. The shoulders are as bad as the tearing. That was the two worst parts. The shoulders coming out is probably the most painful, if short lived experience of my life. But then the neatest thing happened. I heard a baby crying. My baby was crying, and not in me anymore and a real live human out in the world. I didn’t birth a still born baby which was my biggest fear (Thank you crazy pregnancy dreams). They put Carl up on my chest and another dream like image floated in front of me of Steven cutting his chord. And then they took little Carl away to check him and clean him and Steven stayed with him because that was our deal. He wasn’t supposed to let that kid out of his sight. When I was pregnant I had a paranoid fear that something would happen to my baby if Steven didn’t watch him every second while I was otherwise occupied.

While all this was going on I began to feel an odd tugging sensation, turns out that was Dr. Hurd tugging the placenta out by the umbilical chord. I realize this is graphic so feel free to skip this part but imagine for a minute this short, squat, square faced little man at the end of your hospital bed where you are still a bloody filthy mess tugging your babies umbilical chord which is attached to the placenta…which is still inside you. That was one of the oddest moment of my life. I helped him out by using a final push to push it on out. That was by far the easiest part. After a babies shoulders a squishy placenta is nothing. That is however when I found out about the tearing, which kind of sucked. There is no better way to put that and no one is ever happy about it. I tore a two…whatever that means and I had to have stitches which the ever helpful Dr. Hurd put in place before bee bopping off to wherever he went next. By this point I was being cleaned up and getting ready for the flow of visitors that were apparently right outside. I think I held Carl a few minutes before they came in. I did, because someone took this picture before everyone else got to hold him. I may have even tried to feed him. That I don’t remember.

I was told by Steven later that the few minutes I thought had passed were actually almost two hours. I did feed him. That is one thing my boy can do. He nurses like a champion.  After our recovery period Faith came in, then Steven’s parents came in and then my mom and brother. It was a quick visit because by this point it was well into the morning. Remember I said I came in initially at 9pm to the hospital, well Carl was born at 12:53am or 12:54am depending upon who you ask. After all that fuss and muss they finally put us in a room. It was one of the nice ones with a suite attached. Carl had to be under the warmer for a little while but I soon got him back. He stayed with me in my hospital room most of the time except for when the pediatrician came to look in on him. I stayed in the hospital from Friday to Sunday and let me tell you that place makes you stir crazy after a while.

I’ve received a lot of positive comments which I have appreciated. I’ve enjoyed writing about my experience. I wrote most of this the week after he was born and this week I just went back and edited it. Everyone’s birth story is different and mine is very unique for a first baby. Seldom do people have such an short labor, especially with their first.. You can catch first three parts of the story here, here and here.

Have a wonderful day!

And we labored: Part 2

Labor is not like a field of flowers…

When last I wrote about my laboring experience I was at the hospital getting checked in. So Steven, Faith and I settled in for an hour of misery. Seriously, it is kind of the worst thing in the world when you can only lay there in misery. The pain was getting worse and while I had been having these painful contractions all day at least up until that point I had been distracted with a number of tasks and not confined to a bed by a fetal heart monitor. Basically they put you in a “gown” which is basically a large sheet with arm ties, they strap a fetal monitor to your belly and you have to lie on your side and ask the nurse every time you need to get up and tinkle. Which I had to do twice in an hour. After I got past the fact that I was just going to have to lay there I was able to breathe through some of the pain, but I will say that was one of the longer hours of my life.

Nurse Erica came in to check on me after about an hour and fifteen minutes and with a rather sad but not all that surprised look she told me I still hadn’t progressed but that the doctor was going to order a shot of Demerol for pain and phenergan for nausea. She assured me that I would probably be back the next day ready to have this baby and that I would be more comfortable at home sleeping in my own bed for the night. While I had no desire to stay in the hospital, at that point I was in enough pain that I was pretty sure if it continued for another day I wasn’t ever going to be comfortable again. I didn’t argue with her. I thought about it but I was too tired and uncomfortable to deal with her so I just thanked her for checking me and for getting the medication because at least then I might be able to sleep and maybe I wouldn’t throw up the dinner I had eaten a couple of hours before. Out of the gown I went back into my regular clothes.

We all went home and started to get settled in for the night. I was honestly halfway delirious from the pain meds and all I could think was “I want some comfortable underwear”. I somehow changed clothes, got everything settled for the night, and lay down on the couch because the bed had been hurting my back for a couple of months now. I remember rolling this way and that way trying to get comfortable (hah) as the contractions just kept on coming. Finally I rolled onto my right side, got semi comfortable and closed my eyes. Steven had just gotten back from getting some dinner and just finished eating it. Faith was settling down getting ready for bed. I remember being in so much pain. I thought it was just the regular contraction pain. I really needed to go to the bathroom but I hurt so much I wasn’t sure I would be able to get there on my own. I remember calling for Steven, then I remember thinking I must have had an accident because I waited too long to go to the bathroom…Steven at first thought I had just had an accident as well and as he was helping me to the bathroom I was still gushing fluid at which point he realized my water had broken. I guess I should have realized it myself. Right before it broke I felt this weird popping sensation and then I was in extraordinary pain. I went from a 6 pain to a 9 pain in a matter of seconds. That is the downside of the Demerol, it made me a little fuzzy until the pain burned through it.

Steven called a friend to escort us to the hospital ( the one great thing about being a police officer: on duty friends with patrol cars and lights and sirens) and somehow in the next minute we made it to the car. I remember adamantly protesting that I was not going in the from seat I was going in the back. I was in so much pain I couldn’t have comfortably sat up for anything. I didn’t have shoes on at that point because I had ruined my other clothes and only managed to drag a dress over my head so I scraped my toe on a rock on my way to the car which wouldn’t have stuck out in my mind except that I had a pedicure only a few days before and I’ve only had two of those my whole life. I wanted two things when I went into labor, other than an epidural, cute toes and shaved legs (and shaved other places too). That’s the benefit of watching birth videos in labor class, you get to see a lot of ugly feet and hairy places.

We sped to the hospital which seemed to take forever but probably only took a a few minutes. I kept thinking to myself that my water couldn’t have broken. I was at one centimeter dilated only an hour ago, surely my water didn’t break. That doesn’t happen. I remember being halfway afraid of having the baby in the car even though I was mostly convinced I couldn’t have progressed that far. I was in so much pain. It wasn’t the worst pain of my life like they tell you it will be but I was so tired already from a long day and halfway out of it from the medication I had received less than an hour ago that I just couldn’t quite get clear headed and deal with the pain like I normally might have. This was honestly the part I dreaded. I mean the pain I had been in all day from the contractions and back ache wasn’t any fun, but I hate hospitals. They make me want to have panic attacks and I get an overwhelming sense of cabin fever if I am in one for more than a day. So I really wasn’t looking forward to labor if for no other reason than I knew I would be in a hospital.

By this point it was around 11pm. The rest of my exciting story is coming. I hope you have enjoyed it so far. The first part can be found here.

And we labored: Part 1

There are certain moments, certain parts of memories that stay with you. I think giving birth is like that. I want to tell the story of Carl’s birth so that I don’t forget it, and one day if he wants to know he can read about it from his mom’s perspective from way back when rather than how times colors our memories.

Thursday, April 23 I was in pain. I can remember when it really started to be notable. It was around 2pm in the afternoon and I was walking out of the Foodland. The pain progressed all day but I tried not the focus on it.  I was walking around my house about 6pm debating whether or not to call my husband and tell him we needed to go to the hospital. I had been out and about all day in hopes that walking would help things progress in the right direction. The day before my doctor had told me that I was still at a centimeter dilated and women can sit at a centimeter for weeks. I had already been at a centimeter for a few weeks. I did not want to be one of those women that went past their due date. I only had so much maternity leave and I wanted to spend it with my baby. I made an induction appointment for my 39th week which was just a week after that day. I was ready to not be pregnant anymore. So I walked. And I might have tried spicy food. And I might have had a cup of coffee with pepper in it because that’s what my mother did before me when she couldn’t stand being pregnant any more.

I walked around the mall. I walked around Walmart, I bought Steven’s birthday present. I came home and made a grocery list for the next day. I even made dinner. Steaks and potatos. At about two that day I had started having painful contractions. Not debilitating, but definitely uncomfortable. Around four I started timing them just out of curiosity. I honestly figured they couldn’t be close enough together to be a big deal. And at the time I was under the extremely false impression that contractions came ten minutes apart, then nine minutes, then 8 minutes…etc. This is not the case, at least not for me. They were between 9 and 11 minutes apart which is not really close enough to do anything about. We headed home and I sat and drank a bottle of water like they recommend for false labor contractions…which didn’t help. Turns out the contractions were getting a little closer together. By nine my contractions were between 4 and 7 minutes apart. Steven and Faith made me go to the hospital even though I knew they would just send me home. That’s what I told them, that’s what I told the nice L & D nurse Erica, that’s what I said to the people in the elevator as Steven wheeled me to the fourth floor. That’s what I told anyone who would listen. I definitely was not in labor. I was however in an increasing amount of pain. When they tell you that your contractions will come in neat little time intervals just know that is bull and they wont be like that.

Steven wheeled me to the desk, while I fully protested the use of a wheelchair. I was fine. I was rather adamant in insisting that I was fine. Erica (the nice L&D nurse) took my information, sent me to a room and told me to put on one of those god awful gowns and she would be in a second to check on me. So Steven, Faith and I go the room, I put the stupid gown on and for some reason I thought I wouldn’t really need to take off my underwear. Luckilly Erica was a patient woman in explaining to me that I would indeed need to completely undress. So completely undress I did. I hopped rather ungracefully on the bed, at this point I was still having contractions and they were still pretty painful. Erica attached a series of monitors to my huge belly with this weird elastic belt thing and suddenly we could hear Carl’s little heartbeat. She checked me for dilation and I really could have cried when she told me I was still at a one. I honestly didn’t know at that point if I could handle contractions much more painful and in my head, from everything all those other women had been telling me it only got worse as labor progressed. Needless to say I was not a happy camper. True to form, Nurse Erica kindly told me that she would monitor me for an hour and then check me for dilation which would determine whether or not I would get checked into the hospital or sent home. She was at least really reassuring. I had been rather afraid all the nurses would have horns and breathe fire. If you are like me and you dread this part just know it probably wont be as bad as you think at least before the baby gets there. I found that the nurses were much more intrusive after he was born rather than before, but then again I had a different labor than most women.

Tune in next week for the next part of my exciting labor series.

The times they are a changing

Ever feel like you are being pulled in a thousand and one directions? Well that has been me the last three months. Summer is always a busy time for people in ministry but it is especially busy when you are coming out of Maternity leave and you have a cute little baby that needs you every couple of hours for food. So what have I been up to?

Well I went from this:

To this:

To this:

Let me tell you that is a lot of changing. Over the past few months I went from pregnant to having a sweet little baby to having a sweet big baby. Breastfeeding which is a whole new adventure. My father was murdered, we handled his arrangements, my aunts are still not speaking to me and as of right now I am ok with that. I planned a memorial service just three weeks before little Carl came into this world.

Then Carl was born and I was not at work and time literally flew by. We figured out how to nurse. He has almost doubled his weight. He is a healthy, happy little rascal (currently taking his morning nap). Being a mom is interesting. A lot of it I expected but there were definitely some surprises (like breastfeeding, bed sharing, and how cute he is). I’m familiar with children. I spend a lot of time with them. My kid is definitely an adventure. Hopefully now that things have settled down a bit I can get back to writing. I have slowly started to pick up the things that I enjoyed pre baby like sewing and stitching and a clean house… ;-P

I hope you all have had a lovely summer.

Week 35: Or It is definitely not time yet so stay put!

This week I had my last ultrasound and my first cervical exam. How fun. The ultrasound showed an extremely squished baby weighing in at around 5lbs and the exam determined that I probably wouldn’t be carrying around a baby until May 7th which is my original due date. This was a little unsettling mostly because it messed with my plans. I’m a crazy planner. I like everything to be neatly organized and arranged and having this kid a couple weeks early is not my plan.

I’m going to burst

Everyone keeps telling me that I need to just learn to adjust and I realize that some adjustment, some compromise must be made, but surely having a plan is better than going in blind. With that in mind I will share my birth plan, which is sort of short and sweet and down to the point. I really don’t have a whole lot of expectations. I want an epidural. I am aware it might not work. I would rather not have an episiotomy. I am aware it may be necessary.

Birth Plan
No visitors during active labor
Steven is to be the only family member in the delivery room
No Episiotomy unless absolutely necessary
IV meds if needed
Steven would like to cut the chord
Steven would like to bathe the baby
Baby stays in room rather than in the Nursery
If anyone calls the hospital I do want my information released
No visitors during recovery or until after I have attempted to breast feed
I want to attempt to breastfeed as soon as possible
I would not like to be offered a mirror
I’d like to be able to use a birthing ball, walking, etc as pain management then IV meds until I feel that the pain isn’t managable.

Its just a simple list. Not a list of demands or requirements, but a list that will hopefully help the nurses know what I would prefer to happen. Here is to hoping we see a couple more weeks without baby presenting himself to the world.

Parenting is an Odyssey

Some may laugh at this, and in some ways it is rather amusing but one reason I was a little relieved that I was supposedly unable to birth babies is that I would have to make certain hard decisions or have arguments about what is best for the little one, or constantly debate with spouse, grand parents, aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors, and even casual acquaintances about everything from cloth diapers, to regular diapers, to only organic disposable diapers or pacifier vs no pacifier, or vaccinate or don’t vaccinate, or perhaps the biggest one of all, to homeschool or not. How does one go about navigating these minefields of conversational bullshit and arguments waiting to happen. One thing that is true about being pregnant is that every one has an opinion about it and about what to do with the baby once its here. Most of the time I let it go in one ear and out the other. Yeah, I may cloth diaper, but I will also use regular diapers and disposable wipes. This baby will be offered a pacifier at least at first because I don’t want him to be 8 and still sucking his thumb and at least the pacifier I can take away. Yes, I am breastfeeding if at all possible. Yes, I am vaccinating because I actually understand how vaccines work and I am not afraid to tell anyone that asks all of those things. I’m not debating it. Yes, I am circumcising. Those things are my decision and that is it. I might listen to a myriad of opinions, and trust me I have. I have heard more opinions on all of these subjects than I could possibly keep up with.

The big one for me is something I haven’t made up my mind about. The “to homeschool or not” debate. I know for at least the first five years of Carl’s life I will be teaching and caring for him. No matter what sacrifices I have to make I am not sending him to daycare. There are several reasons for this:

1) Every disease known to man and a few I swear are only grown specifically in those facilities

2) I at least believe I have enough support that sending him to daycare won’t be necessary

3) Why spend the extra money when I won’t make enough of a difference working the hours I would have to in order stick him in daycare?

4) I can teach him at home everything they teach in day care except I can do it better, in a one on one environment, without 15 other children biting, hitting, and ignoring the teachers.

5) The behaviors that kids pick up in daycare are atrocious.

6) I have first hand knowledge of what goes on in daycare that parents are never told about and frankly don’t want to know about.

The first 5 years I have a plan. Its after that I am not yet prepared for. I am never going to be in a position to just be a stay at home mom. I’m not sure I am wired for that, but even if I was there would never be a scenario in which my husband would go for it. So what to do? I know there are people that work and homeschool. More and more these days in fact. I wouldn’t mind doing that, and I of all people know that a homeschool schedule does not have to be conventional. I suppose I will see how the next few years go and re-evaluate as I go. If I homeschool it will be a fight. It will be a fight I am not sure I am able to win. I rarely ever say that but in this case it is true. Hmm…What does the future hold?

 

Week 34: Or I am a turtle and I can’t get up!

When I was a kid one of my favorite movies was the Ninja Turtles. The third live action film has the turtles going back to feudal Japan and in the ensuing chaos they end up going down a storm drain where one of them happens to land one his back. He then says what I think on a rather constant basis these days. “Help, I’m a turtle and I can’t get up!”

Being 34 weeks pregnant has been much like what I imagine being a beached whale is like. Not everyone will appreciate that sentiment but not everyone is pregnant or me. I have never been particularly large. I have been a little pudgy, a little bigger than I might have liked, but never just plain huge. Right now I am carrying more weight than I ever in my life expected to carry around and it is making me miserable. My diet hasn’t changed, if anything I am eating less because there is just no room for excess. Despite that I am still steadily gaining weight…..and probably will for several weeks. Which is pretty freaking miserable. I feel like a whale…a beached one. Especially when I try and get comfortable because there is no comfortable position for someone this big and otherwise hefty. No amount of twisting or turning or maneuvering will truly make being this pregnant comfortable. Really if I manage to get comfortable it is just a fluke. Basic luck.

Perhaps next week will be the week I bounce back into feeling like a semi normal human. Here’s to hoping.

Product Review: Organic Belly Balm

While I haven’t really bought into a whole lot of Maternity related products…in fact I typically avoid them like the plague, I have really enjoyed this Organic Belly Balm. I was given it as a gift for Christmas and if not for that I probably would never have bought anything no matter how much my growing belly itched. It is organic, as the label states, and honestly it is a bit pricey at $16.00~ a jar, but it has been highly effective. I have no stretch marks and right now I am almost 10 inches bigger around the waist then pre pregnancy. It has also gotten rid of all belly itch which was a really rather inconvenient problem I had before the balm. The other benefit is that the smell is really nice. It is a nice, neutral smell which I appreciate considering my new highly energized nose.

It comes from the Honest Company and you can buy it here or at the Maternity store, which is where my jar comes from. The jar is only about a quarter of the way depleted and I have used it every day since Christmas so I imagine it will last until almost before I have this baby. If you are looking for a belly cream or balm I highly recommend this.

Did you have any pregnancy products that really made a difference?

*I was in no way compensated for this review*

Week 33: What! I have to push the what out of my what???

Yeah. The title fairly accurately describes my week 33 panic. I am 42″ inches around. I have gained over 30lbs. I feel like  the good year blimp. All I want to do is eat snickers bars and chocolate covered pretzels. And I have to push thoughts of labor out of my hear every few minutes. Honestly I figured by now I would be stir crazy to  have this kid. Turns out I am pretty happy to wait a few weeks, even though I am physically miserable and humungous. I can deal with that. I am not quite ready for labor and then bringing little bits home with me.

The intellectual part of my brain knows that I am prepared to care for an infant. I can probably even do a pretty good job. The rest of me wonders how they can just let babies go home with people. No prep. No book. No nothing. Just “Here’s a baby, make sure the car seat is in the car right”. That’s a bit scary to me, but I suppose that is normal. When he finally gets here I am sure I will calm down. Nothing is ever as bad as we make it in our head…except maybe labor…but then I fully intend to have an epidural. So maybe not so bad after all. The times seems to be flying by in the last few weeks. I am told it slows down in the last few weeks. We shall see I suppose. As of today I have 43 days left until he is supposed to come squirming into the world. If he is anything like his parents he will come a week early and refuse to turn around the right way or be too big to fit through the birth canal and I will end up with a C-section anyway.

The other thing I seem to be obsessing over this week is maternity leave. I have several pages worth of lists that I want to complete before taking a break. Its kind of slow going. Hopefully I will be able to make it through them because frankly I have only a short window of time between baby and the craziness of summer series. I can’t believe how quickly things are happening. In the next few weeks I have another ultrasound, another baby shower, Maternity pictures, calling a pediatrician, getting taxes done, finishing the nursery…ahhh! Its a lot to think about, especially considering my slow largeness. Also pregnancy brain is a real thing. I think some crazy thoughts.

I’ve almost figured out sleeping I think. If I go to sleep at 9:00pm and don’t allow myself to have a nap in the day, as hard as that is, then I mostly sleep through the night. I’ve managed that the past couple of days though I know that not napping is not always going to be an option. I am way too sleepy during the afternoons. Perhaps I might even somehow waddle myself into my hammock for a nap today.