I’m a holiday person. Did you know that their are people out there who actually do not like the holidays? Yeah. They are crazy. Thanksgiving to Epiphany are the best time of year to me. I wait all year for this time. I mean I love other times of year as well but this is my favorite by far which makes what I am about to say weird.
Every since I was a little girl I put a lot into ensuring everyone in my life has a magical and happy Christmas. I want everyone to have a nice gift, enjoy the food, laugh, have fun and get along. I want the decorations to be nice. I try and send a card full of holiday cheer to all those who have made a difference or had an impact on me throughout the year. I try to pick traditions and attend events that will make this year or that year special. The past five years or so I come away from Christmas and the holiday season strangely dissatisfied. I had fun at times, but there was always some sort of sadness attached to it. Perhaps my expectations were too high or I was celebrating with the wrong people but something just wasn’t right. Last year was a little better. I was still anxious and a little sad and it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be but it was better. This year I think will be the best yet and not just because I have a cute little bunny to celebrate it with.
This year I made a few changes. When I sent out my Christmas cards I sent them to the people I wanted to send them to and didn’t worry about any of the people I should send them to. I loaded those things full of cute Carl pictures and warm notes and I enjoyed it. I sent out probably half the cards I normally send and I am happy with that.
When I made a list of people to get gifts for it was shorter. I didn’t get a gift for my inlaws, except the wonderful Inez. I didn’t get a gift for anyone I didn’t actually enjoy having around. How nice is that? I put up my tree when I felt like it rather than when I thought would make everyone else happy. I put three trees up and guess what, no one complained. My house is not perfectly clean, but it is decorated and it makes me happy.
This year is different and not just because I am separated (for yet another Christmas), or because for the first time in years I am not spending Christmas with my inlaws, or because I have a new baby who loves all the lights and pulling things off the tree. This year is different because I have figured something out that I was missing before. I’m doing what I want to do. It is sad that things are changing, and that I won’t have that someone special to share everything with like in the Hallmark movies but I have a pretty good family, good friends and a cute baby and the realization that nothing will ever happen the way I think it will. And that’s ok. I am 26 years old and my life will never be a hallmark movie and I may spend the next 20 years celebrating the holidays with my sister and my little bunny and that will be grand. Its much more than many people have.
If you are, like I was, dissatisfied with the way your holidays always seem to go my advice is to do what you want and forget the rest. I guarantee you will be happier. Merry (early) Christmas and may the peace of the lord be with you and yours.